To first open your heart, find the places and spaces where you feel safe and allowed to spew it all out even if it doesn’t make sense. A place of none judgement and a voice with sincere eyes that say the most comforting words, “I believe you and I trust in you.” These words and that comfort allow the space to grow and to possibly come to a new truth, opening our eyes and our hearts.

There is a valuable message I can give all in the vibrational energy of the drum, “Don’t hold onto the friends that beat you down, rather hold onto the ones that rise you up and encourage you to keep following the beating of your own drum. And never become a victim to gaslighting your own insecurities with what you are unwilling to clarify by creating a story and an assumption in your head.”

When we flow with grace doing the right things for no other reason than it is kind, and because beneath our grumbling and complaining in our own mind and emotional stories, we deeply care. There is often a story that is in the feedback that gaslights the victim, the self saboteur, and feeds the narrative that keeps the stories alive. A call to action to reset my subconscious mind has been a joy and a journey I have taken. Paying close attention to the things I am asked to do by that little voice, the grumbling of the echo of the monster within and the action that comes with surprise outcomes, leaving me in awe and inspired. Those moments where I see that I, like all of us, are cared for so deeply that it’s hard to see, because the love of God required us to take action. This is how God consciousness does it with such grace.

Blank. Reborn to a freedom from all that was of a woman who once was. At the top of the stairs entering my basement is a blank canvas sitting in waiting for it’s future to be created. Symbolic of the woman standing as a blank canvas wondering, “Where does this life with only a feeling take me from here?” Possibly the canvas I placed up, as if it was already created, was placed with guided intention by the great spirits of creation of the work that has become my own rendition of a fool’s card. Waiting for me to take a leap of faith!

Right as the clock struck midnight on the night of the eclipse, just as the darkness was starting to cover the full moon, I found myself fighting hard for me. I was back outside dumpster diving to retrieve a part of me that I didn’t know meant so much to the man who loves this crazy woman who is the creator of madness, beautiful disasters, and love.

We live in the world where hope isn’t treated with deep consideration for what it truly entails. We have honesty and faith, but where is honesty when we accept lies to just have a resolution and then just chalk that up to, “We are all just human.”

The presence of a donkey as my spirit guide was a reminder of the human capability, and symbolic of the mockery and underestimating of self that hurts.  When you look deeper at the donkey and know your truth you will understand that the donkey was truly a magical horse that could fly.

I hated this picture when I first saw it and knew it meant I had to sit with the woman that was in the image and look deep into her eyes.

She had finally become beautifully angry and no not bitter. She has a joy, a sparkle and intensity of a woman ready to set her world on fire.

She had stopped trying to justify and what she thought was so ugly was the most beautiful, powerful parts. The parts they never wanted to rise because with that comes a truth and now she is unleashed from the past, from an identity or a reputation that others created and now she is finally free.

More Than “just” Existing™️ Began as a journey of healing from cruelty that was hard to comprehend, and the biggest I found was that I was the woman who kept putting myself into the line of fire. I use to believe I could be enough to make the not so nice be nice.

What I discovered was that I was my own enemy and that I was always telling myself a lie. I knew because I was gifted, but I had a spark of hope. I ignored, defended and even apologized more times than I care to remember.  I have no “sorry’s” but I have a lot of wisdom, compassion, love and boundaries. Most of all when it comes to my own mind - I will decide!

I took the vision board off the wall, put away all the kid stuff, and took one last look in the mirror at who she was looking for me to respond with, all that I had done wrong, and stopped thinking of what could be inside a big beautiful home or a career.  

This is a droplet of water that we call rain. Funny when we look at water or taste water, we are happy and satisfied but when comes down in buckets from the sky we call it rain and we complain!

But did we not ask the universe to provide?

I have buried the pieces that no longer serve my soul of who I once was in ceremony within and walked into allowing myself to be the “She Is” at the end of More Than Existing™! I am thankful I stayed until the end to be this woman as I think I may actually really be at peace with her. She was the one they called Corrina so long ago and today I am Corrie, but Corrina is an awareness of truth of the blessing of getting what you need and not what you want.

Born with a curious mind, an open heart, and an acceptance of a human existence, I discovered early on that I could not change another, but believed I had to try. Loyal to a fault became a curse, as I let all the hurts of another reflect back onto me. Those secrets, wounds, and canceling out statements came upon this earth long before me, as did the motives to manipulate and achieve satisfaction of a world people wanted. When the desire for change is initiated to fulfill personal fear and desire over a collective non-impulsive decision made from consideration and kindness for all involved, we are no longer pausing to even look at the cost of what that does to another.

Let me start with an honesty and a truth that aligns to my soul. I did not get over the past, it’s an unconscious term we use in asking a question. I moved beyond allowing the unhealthy influences of the past to project into my future, by reminding myself of who I am today and most of all instead of seeing the women in the middle of my stories, I saw the woman at the end making the hard decisions and choices, and how empowered she was in the moment, afraid but not owned by FEAR.

Courageously I am stepping into a place with a story of my return to the truth of my existence. I started a journey to save me from my own anxiety and fear of the woman I could see but not see. A woman no one can define in marketing and whom no one can nail down a “ niche” for, as too many layers are unfolding, and my ‘why’ to More Than Existing was to more than ‘just’ exist in any need to define. A woman who has fought hard to walk and to move. Yes, I mean that physical form of my fragile human self.  

A lifetime of dulling the light that was a privilege bestowed upon me and blessed by the God above, mine to hold but not mine to give away. How dare I believe it was okay to give away this little light that reflected my truest self? I gave away the gift that was a treasure with a little secret of what it would take to care for this light of mine. I gave all to avoid you bringing to light the unhealed insecurities within that human shell of yours, so l stayed uncomfortable in your pain.

I have stood in the essence of my own self judgement, through the human eyes, false light of hope, and half hearted truths. I was a toxic drug to my own existence, as my warped view reflected back in the mirror the hurt in my eyes, a reminder of all the words I would lash out at myself cutting deep into my heart like the edge of a razor blade. Too many times have I lived in self judgement, jabbing myself in the throat in order to spew up the suppression of words and keeping my truth from spilling out.

The impact of this and my own desire to emotionally grow up by surrendering over the ‘still in my heart younger versions of myself’ view of my life. Why I struggled with weight, finances, and relationships, and wanting to blame it on everyone in the world. All became my issues, my problems, and I could hear a nagging truth from I believe to be my true self repeated over and over, “Just grow up!”

Most of the truths were a lie based on the reality of the stories others wanted you to believe. Maybe it’s time to be a child with a devilish grin, carefree attitude, wearing your clothes inside out, and curiously asking, “What will they say when they see me walking around with my clothing turned inside out? What names will I hear that I no longer have to accept as my truth for I now know I am playing a joke and fooling them all as I distract them with what they want to believe based on what they see on the outside. Setting myself free to look, create, and just be me. Living in my moment of now, from the world I create, as I can see the truth of me. I now see that what was out there, is actually right here looking at me!”